19 Mart 2011 Cumartesi

sometimes I get overcharged, that's when you see sparks.

I am aware that I've just stepped into the period of my life where my decisions will have long-term consequences. I feel weird when I think about this. I feel unstable. I feel that I'm just so much hungry for any information which would help me make better choices in this important period of my life.

I just look for the answers, just like all people, including the characters in my favorite TV series. However, it is not getting easier when you have other parameters coming as inputs to your system in every moment. That's possibly what makes me unstable. I don't even know being unstable is normal, or good, at all.

I've been recently addicted to an opening theme of a TV series. This theme song makes me feel completed. Makes me feel that things in the universe are neither so complicated, nor trivial. It's both so serious and mysteriously so relaxing inside. Because it's you... and your other versions, you know. "There is more than one of everything", as they say.

Maybe I'm confused just because I try to get all the best I can get from this year. I'm trying to do all the stuff I want to do. All of them. Well, most of them. Taking first-aid course, doing a senior project which aims to make a true improvement, learning German, French, Spanish, learning more about brain, trying to understand more about it everyday, trying to get some takeaways from each and every little thing in my daily life...

However, one day, recently, someone important to me forced my mind to just stop for a moment and take a look at myself. Somehow, although I wouldn't have thought that I would (or could) give it a try, I did it. Somehow, I was able to stop and ask myself some questions about what was really going on in my life... about why I was running around like a wild animal and about whether it was worth doing them, at all... and I had some results. I have just recently decided that trying to get the best out of something is good and I should continue doing this, but it seems that working so hard to achieve something needs some kind of auto-cooling system. I should actively and constantly try to cool myself down when I'm just about to explode in sparks... I should do that indeed. I wish somebody could help me remember this from time to time. However, it is a fact that...

"...it's just like that you're trapped over here. The only difference is... nobody's going to save you. Only you can save yourself. "

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